Share this story
Close X
Switch to Desktop Site

The Canadians are coming!

About these ads

This e-mail was intercepted by a Monitor reporter overnight.

To: The Canadian high command

Subject: Our takeover of the US

From: Agent "Deep Freeze"

Greetings, eh. I'm happy to inform you that our secret plans to take over the United States are going better than we could ever have anticipated.

First, we've quietly persuaded President Bush to send as many troops as he can out of the country by the middle of February in order to deal with something or other about this guy Hussein in Iraq. Perfect!

Second, we've engineered the weather so that the entire US is freezing - even Florida! Ideal conditions for Canadian special ops teams to operate.

Third, we have planted key agents in essential TV and radio news operations. Our most senior operative, Peter Jennings, is still in position at ABC. Meanwhile, John Roberts is poised to take over at CBS. And we've been extremely successful in getting Ashleigh Banfield moved into a higher and higher profile at NBC/MSNBC. Dick Gordon has not yet been detected by Ashcroft's forces and had been quietly inserting more and more Canadian content into the topics under discussion at NPR's The Connection. We didn't get anyone planted at Fox, but it's not really a news operation anyway, so damage will be limited.

Fourth, and perhaps best of all, we've been able to insinuate our agents into perhaps the most important and strategic event in the country, an event that brings all Americans together, an event where they willingly plant themselves in front of a TV for hours at a stretch, and are willing to watch anything! No, not the Oscars. Something even more important - the Super Bowl.


Page:   1   |   2

Follow Stories Like This
Get the Monitor stories you care about delivered to your inbox.