Etc...

Just get it out of my sight

There's no indication that Mike Bassett and Tony Spiridigliozzi know each other. They don't live near each other, and their lines of work are completely different. Bassett's residence is in Port Clinton, Ohio, where he owns a supermarket. Spiridigliozzi, a restaurateur, calls Glen Head, N.Y., home. In one respect, however, they couldn't be more alike. Both have houses – big, solid, expensive houses – that they're offering free for the taking. There's just one catch: Taking means exactly what it implies. Whoever agrees to acquire the two residences has to move them ... to their own vacant lots. And, while they're at it, assume the costs for every detail of the relocation, such as obtaining the necessary permits, putting in new foundations, hiring the specialized transport contractors, taking down overhead utility lines, and – well, you get the picture. In Bassett's case, that could run to $80,000, depending on how far the house will be going. Realtors on Long Island's tony Gold Coast estimate the cost of relocating the Spiridigliozzi home will be higher still – and that's assuming it has to travel only a mile or two. The restaurateur wants to build an even larger house on his lot with more room for entertaining. Bassett needs the space for parking at his store, which is next door. Oh, one other thing: Both the existing structures must be out of the way soon. Otherwise, plans call for them to be razed.