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Letters to the Editor

Readers write about abusive relationships, world peace, and international hosts.

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Abused partners should not stay in the relationship

In response to David Code's Aug. 26 Opinion piece, "Put your marriage before your kids": As a juvenile intake officer in a county court system, I work with children who are making destructive choices, with families that are not working productively, and with victims of domestic violence.

I agreed with much of what Mr. Code wrote, however, I must offer my feedback on his first "key" to a successful marriage and family: "Recognize that we've already chosen the perfect spouse. No, we would NOT choose better next time."

I think it is important to recognize that not every person has chosen the perfect spouse, and, in cases of physical and sexual assault on spouses or children, that a victim of family violence will hopefully choose better next time and that there actually will be a next time for them to choose.

I am concerned that an abused partner reading Code's first key point might have inadvertently confirmed what she or he already believes – that the abuse is all her or his fault.

I would ask the author to include a short disclaimer indicating that his first point does not apply to people experiencing family violence, that abuse is never the victim's fault, and that there are people who can help.

Susan Bartlett
Manassas, Va.

After coming away totally disgusted after watching a TV program showing parents devoting all their time to their kids – to the exclusion of their own relationship – I read Mr. Code's article, which left me filled with hope that clear heads are seeing this problem for what it is and doing something about it.

Not only marriages, but also the kids and our society suffer from the effects of this misinformed coddling.

Paul Marthaler
Santa Fe, N.M.

US foreign policy hinders world peace

In response to Charles Kurzman and Neil A. Englehart's Aug. 29 Opinion piece, "Farewell to world peace?" To specify that international or intergovernmental wars do not include the Israel/Lebanon conflict is disingenuous.


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