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Millennial generation: What's love got to do with it?

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Stephen M. Katz/The Virginian-Pilot/AP

(Read caption) Some of collector Sue Wilson’s nearly 100 wedding-cake toppers, Norfolk, Va.

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a happily married man writing about courtship must be in need of a serious talking to. Nothing so lacks credibility, especially with younger  readers. Oh, sure, he may on occasion text his wife a sweet nothing using “r” as a verb to show how with-it he is. He may throw caution to the wind and attempt to dance “the robot” at a nephew’s wedding. But he almost always will put air quotes around such not-really-modern-anymore fads to signal his actual distance from them.

For those reasons and more, it is probably best for me to send you directly to Eilene Zimmerman's fascinating and thorough exploration of modern dating. 

Depending on your vintage and values, your view of 2012 courtship may range from quiet approval to mild alarm. There is, for instance, a definite standoffishness about marriage in the Millennial Generation (also known as Generation Y, meaning those born in the 1980s and early ’90s). But even if young people are waiting longer before saying their vows than any previous generation, they aren’t necessarily anti-marriage. What they most want, it appears, is to get marriage right.

“They’ve seen a lot of divorce in their parents’ generation,” Eilene told me the other day. “They’ve been through difficult holidays. But they’re really into family and marriage. They actually want to move to the suburbs and raise a family one day – just not now.”

Many have struggled through a bleak job market while carrying big college debt, so they are naturally cautious. Even the dreaded subject of sex is not what you may think in an age of ubiquitous contraception and noncommittal “hookups”:  Despite a casual attitude toward intimacy, risky behavior is not something this well-warned generation embraces. In some ways, says Eilene, Gen-Y is like the famed GI generation that fought in World War II and built the postwar world. By midcentury, in other words, this may be a fairly conservative cohort.


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