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'The Twelve Days of Paying For an Infant'

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Rick Bowmer/AP, File

(Read caption) Forget the 'Lords a Leaping,' this dad has a more vital shopping list this holiday season, including diapers, rattles, bibs, and jumping chairs. Here, Huggies diapers and a box of Kirkland diapers are on display at Costco.

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One of America's unlikely holiday traditions is the annual tedious breakdown of the Twelve Days of Christmas carol into a consumer index, along the lines of: "If you paid for everything mentioned in the song at today's price's, you'd be out a whopping..."

This year (and, seriously, how does one actually price ten lords-a-leaping?) the number comes to $27,393 according to the Christmas Price Index from PNC Wealth Management.

As a new parent however, I'm not even vaguely fixated by this figure, conspicuous though it may be. I've got my own carol-based problem to solve, the Baby Turning One Not Long After Christmas Price Index from Norton "Wealth" "Management." It looks a little something like this:

Twelve bottles shaking,

As the father of an infant who has effectively self-weaned at seven months, I have become painfully aware of the financial footprint left by formula. The stuff's not cheap. I'd ballpark 12 5 oz. bottles at about $17.

Eleven apples blending,

Baby food is such a transparent racket that we've gone to an all home-cooked fruits + veggies + quinoa + brown rice program for the solid food portion of our son's diet. Seconds are pretty cheap; let's put 11 apples for homemade applesauce at $3.

Ten Mum Mums crackling,

These little rice rusk crackers are great for babies for a number of reasons. They're light. They're safe (supervision still required, but they basically disintegrate before they become a choking hazard). They're fun for babies to grip. They're therefore distracting while you get solid food warmed up and ready to roll. 10 would be about $1.25, a relative steal.

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