Switch to Desktop Site
 
 

Recession over because Delaware has elected a witch, David Letterman says

(Read article summary)
Image

Newscom/FILE

(Read caption) The bull on Wall Street in New York City is seen here in February. The National Bureau of Economic Research has announced that the recession is over - it ended in June of last year.

About these ads

In case you missed it early this week, economists on high from the National Bureau of Economic Research have announced that the recession ended over a year ago.

Feel free to do a double take. We certainly did.

The AP reported that during the 18-month recession 7.3 million jobs disappeared, 2.5 million homes were repossessed, and unemployment is now at 9.6 percent. Many Americans are still struggling to make ends meet – and wrap their heads around the idea that the economy is now growing.

But they say the recession has been over since June 2009?

Have we been living in the Land of Make Believe for the past year?

Comedian Jay Leno's response on The Tonight Show on Tuesday was, "What idiots we were! So that recession that you think you're in, that's as imaginary as the job you used to have!"

Poverty numbers are a bummer, says Stephen Colbert

About these ads

Stephen Colbert, in the spirit of his announced Oct. 30 March to Keep Fear Alive, quipped, "You're surrounded by poor people and their numbers are growing everyday!"

Colbert then showed a CNN clip from Sept. 16, which said that the nation's poverty rate jumped to 14.3 percent last year, and that more than 43.5 million Americans are in need, the highest number in half a century of record keeping.

Guest Mark Shriver from Save the Children calls the nearly 44 million people living below the poverty line "a national disgrace."

But as Colbert said, this poverty report is really "much ado about people who have nothing."

"I know many people who are summer homeless," he joked, saying that the rich have really suffered in the recession. "Besides giving money to rich people drives the economy. What do poor people do with their money? They blow it on the first heating bill that comes along!"

Jon Stewart says, "Hit me with that stick!"

Stewart played a clip of a man representing the Wall Street community at President Obama's latest town hall meeting, where the man said that Wall Streeters have felt like a piñata, that Obama has been whacking them with a stick. He asks, "When are we going to stop whacking at the Wall Street Piñata?"

"What you call a stick on Wall Street, I guess Americans call a trillion-dollar bailout of your industry," Stewart responded. "So you know I guess what a lot of Americans would be saying to Obama right now is, 'Hit me with that <expletive> stick!"

Maybe the nearly one in seven people living in poverty could use some of that trillion-dollar bailout?

David Letterman has the answer

It's because of Christine O'Donnell.

"One day Delaware elects a witch, the next day the recession is over? I don't know...Is that a coincidence?" Letterman wonders with a smile.

What are you going to do now that the recession is over?

Share