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Humor: Despite the impasse over surveillance legislation, the U.S. is listening to Al Qaeda. Really.

The idea that congressional Democrats and the White House can't agree on a spy bill is a hoax. Bin Laden, we're on your phone line.

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From: Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell

To: Congress

Re: Staged surveillance bill "debate"

As far as the rest of the world knows, the temporary law authorizing our warrantless wiretapping expired at midnight on Feb. 16. Since then, the program has appeared to have no controlling legal authority, as House Democrats and the White House have battled over whose version of a new surveillance bill to adopt.

But as you all know, this argument thing is fake! What's really going on here is a massive covert operation in which key members of Congress pretend to stall – and the president pretends to care – in hopes of fooling our enemies into believing that the NSA really has pulled off its earphones, because some judge somewhere told it to!

And it's worked. After months of silence, Al Qaeda chatter is filling the ether once again, providing unique insight into their organization and plans. Some examples:

Ayman Al-Bwahari, Al Qaeda's deputy to the assistant director for the development of scary video policy, has been overheard plotting to seize a larger office from a lower-ranking assistant.


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