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Now we both trust me!

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You know, trust is a funny thing. A lot has been said about it by many people who know more about it than I, but for me, trust is an ongoing investment which is determined by its returns. If I trust someone and he is not worthy of that trust, I'm not going to reinvest my trust in him again. If he is worthy of it, I will increase my investment. That's the way I feel now.

You probably know all about this, but it's new to me. I haven't been a trustworthy person very long. The fact is, and it is kind of embarrassing, but the fact is I couldn't be trusted at all a couple of years ago. It was almost as though I had a mental block against it. After thinking this over for these few trustworthy years, I've come to the conclusion that I couldn't be trusted because I didn't trust myself.

Mother would ask me to take out the trash as she was leaving for work and I'd say, "Sure, Mom, I won't forget." But, I would forget -- because I didn't place any value in myself.

I knew there was trusting going on around me, but it didn't seem important. I took it for granted. I trusted my parents to be my parents and to love and take care of me. I trusted my teachers to teach me the right thing, to be fair with me, and to grade me according to the effort I put forth. Later in life I also trusted my boss at work to reward me for my effort and to be fair with me. But, I took these things for granted. And I didn't see that it worked the other way too.

I used these three examples to show how long it took me to realize how important trust is. The first big step came when my parents separated. My trust in permanence was shattered, but I was still too young to know that it had been their desire to keep my trust and that of my brothers and sisters which had already kept them together longer than they wanted. And I am still weeding misinformation from my mind which was planted by my teachers and nurtured by my trust in them. I only recently realized that they, like my parents, also were doing the best they knew how to keep that trust they held so dear.


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