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Once, in Hollywood, when he and his party were leaving a five-star restaurant, Robert Benchley asked a uniformed man at the door to get them a taxi. The "doorman" looked surprised. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I happen to be a rear admiral in the US Navy." "All right, then," said Benchley, "Get us a battleship."

Two married sisters became pregnant at the same time and gave birth to sons on the same day. Months later, while the sisters were visiting each other, one of them ran into the guest room and said: "My baby just said his first word!" The other baby sat up in the crib and said, "He did? He did? What did he say?"

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People who laugh ... last.

Sushi? Where I come from, they call that "bait."

I have some good news and bad news concerning telephone rates. First, the bad news: Long distance rates are going up. The good news is that the continents are drifting closer together.

An old rabbi is lying on his deathbed, his many students lined up at his bedside. The first student asks the rabbi, "What is the meaning of life?"

"Life is a river," says the rabbi, and the students pass the words down the line. The last student whispers, "Rabbi, why is life like a river?"

The question is whispered back along the line to the rabbi, who shrugs and says, "So, it's not like a river."

The Humor Project, 110 Spring St., Saratoga Springs, NY 12866

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