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Fear and loathing ... and preschool

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'A former star telecommunications analyst told a friend that his boss, Sanford I. Weill, the chairman of Citigroup, helped secure spots in an exclusive Manhattan nursery school for his twin[s] after he began recommending AT&T stock.'

- The New York Times, Nov. 14, 2002

MEMO

From: Sanford I. Weill, Citigroup Chairman

To: All Employees

Re: New Customer Service

In today's challenging market environment, no parent should make crucial nursery-school decisions without proper guidance. Indeed, many analysts now realize that an investment in high-yielding preschoolers can provide significant protection from fluctuations in other market sectors. It's not just finger paint and naps anymore - it's social status.

That's why Citigroup is excited to announce TODDLERS™ , an exclusive service from the Smith Barney division. (Note to Marketing: Consider dropping "Smith" to leverage "Barney" name-recognition among the sandbox crowd.) Backed by the strength of our research and trust departments, TODDLERS™ will offer a full range of financial and playground advice for parents as they navigate the complex world of childhood asset management.

Young families with a net worth of $1.5 million or more who seek admission to nursery school for their current or future children will be able to choose from a range of valuable services:

• Personal trainers to help produce the well-toned toddler that discriminating preschools desire.

• Beautician, cosmetician, and sartorial advice to make sure that each little one looks downright scrumptious for his or her first campus visit.

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