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British election: a Eurovision Song Contest for poorly dressed white men

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Nick Clegg, leader of the Liberal Democrats, still comes across to many as having the personality of a dial tone, remarkable only for his boast in a men’s magazine of his sexual adventures.

And the beleaguered prime minister, Gordon Brown, who was recently picked by GQ magazine as the “worst-dressed man in the world,” is charismatically challenged. British Idol he most definitely is not. In a talent contest he would lose to the synchronized burping twins.

The only positive voting is likely to be for the fringe parties – or “the nutters” as most of us like to call them. There is a real possibility this time around that one or two seats could be won by either the neofascist British National Party (BNP) or the right-wing UK Independence party (UKIP), known mainly for its hatred of all things European and also for its occasional inability to spell the word “Independence” in its own literature.

And of course there are always those who grab the whole event as an excuse to drum up business for themselves. One of the more inventive is a restaurant in Northern Ireland that recently sent an e-mail to its customers with the following promise:

“Whoever wins, you win for the rest of May

•Conservative win – 25 percent off food and drink

Labour win – 30 percent off food and drink

•Liberal Democrat win – 40 percent off food and drink

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